Why the Bullies Should Have Never Looked Back >=D
by Esse
Summary: Please blame Venus. Her story 'Never Look Back' forced my hand. I *do* have permission for this! --Don't kill me!-- Has very little to do with viii, and everything t' do with how weird Esse gets when Zell's messed with.


##  Why the Bullies Should Have Never Looked Back =D 

* * *

_**Disclaimer:** Esse owns not a single one of the people mentioned herein, including herself. Square lays claim to some, Venus to others, and the leftovers belong to various fringe cults. I do have Venus' permission for this; I do, I do! Be nice. This is in no way a serious piece of work. There really isn't much in the way of viii in here; it's just a response t' 'Never Look Back' by Venus. If you haven't read it... Go! _

* * *

Esse finished reading the final paragraph of 'Never Look Back', wiping the edge of her hand across her tear-streaked cheeks. "Wai! Wai! Too sad," she cried, heart-broken. "Too mean, too cruel" 

"Too noisy," the Ogre grumbled, looking up from her own work. "What are you carrying on about?" 

"Hnn?" Esse swiped at her eyes again, proving once more that even the most waterproof mascara was no match against proper hysterics. "New ficcie from Venus. O! the angst. O! the cruelty..." 

"O! the drama queen!" Grudgingly, the Ogre got up and peered over the other girl's shoulder. "Scoot. Let me see." 

Sniffling, snuffling, and generally carrying on in a manner more appropriate for a four-year-old denied her promised after-shot lollipop, Esse relinquished her chair and collapsed on the loveseat. "How could they be so mean? Bullies, brats, little punks" 

The Ogre growled, working her way through the story. "Scum! Juvenile scum! She can't leave it like this. Where's the justice? Revenge; there must be revenge." 

"Well, Zell can't get revenge," Esse pointed out, picking up the electronic draw poker, then shaking it when it refused to turn on. "He's in the hospital." 

"Then we must seek vengeance for him." The Ogre tossed a Children's Day 1993 button over to the frazzle-haired woman sprawled across the loveseat. "Don thine battle gear, and call forth thine troops." 

Esse pinned her cherished button over her heart, and reclaimed her seat in front of her computer. "No more SCA meetings for you," she muttered to her roommate, while hastily typing out messages to various on-line acquaintances. "You're always insufferable for weeks afterwards." 

It was a few short minutes later when Esse got her first response. Saizel's IM was decorated with his usual blindingly lime Matisse font. "Konnichi wa Esse-san! What's up with the kyuujinkoukoku?" 

"eee" The frazzle-haired girl dug out her well-thumbed romaji dictionary. "S'haa Saizel-sama, the Ogre wants us to do something about Venus' new ficcie." Obligingly, she passed it on. 

A wait, while the story was read, then, "Chikushou! They must pay! Ah, but Esse-ko, do we have permission to move in?" 

"Yah, we've got go-ahead" The sound of chiming sidetracked Esse. "Oi, wait a sec Sai-sama, I've got a message from Lynn." 

Saizel's instant reply was amused. =D 

"What's up Es?" the dark-blue text asked, sent by one identified at SWMNBNFFOTRL--which, as a few people were lucky enough to know, stood partially for 'She Who Must Not Be Named For Fear Of Terrible Reprisals And Thus Shall Be Known Hence-forth Only As Lynn.' 

"Hey sweetie, we've a job" Quickly, Esse explained what was going on. "Are ya in?" 

"Count on it!" Lynn sent back. "See you there in five." 

The frazzle-haired girl turned to look at the Ogre, who was replacing the batteries in the draw poker. "We're set. You ready?" At the Ogre's nod, Esse turned the bright pink knob on the bulky gadget Finster had surprised her with last Christmas. With a flashy flash, the two girls were transported. 

"Konban wa Esse-san!" Saizel greeted them as they rematerialized. "Oh, and Ogre-sempai! You came too." 

Esse quickly closed her eyes and covered her mouth; interdimensional travel always left her feeling queasy. 

"Don't you dare get sick again," Lynn warned. "We don't have time for it." 

Gulping, Esse firmly told her stomach to behave itself, and addressed the members of the Zeru Fan Kurabu--desolate wastelands chapter. "I know. We're here t' punish those beasts that dared hurt our Zell, then head back without getting caught." 

"Easily said," the Ogre mocked, "but where do we find the brats?" 

The frazzle-haired woman pointed to her left, where a group of four children were staring idly off the edge of a high cliff overlooking the ocean. "See? They always return to the scene of the crime" 

"Actually, they don't," Lynn mused, "so I'll just accept the outlandish coincidence. But, before we confront them," she ran a hand across her polyester jumpsuit, "shouldn't we bring Venus here? It's her world; she should have some warning of what we're about to do." 

The group nodded in agreement. As soon as the decision was made, a puff of maroon smoke billowed, and where once there had been nothing, there now stood Venus, dressed in an oddly familiar pink ensemble, complete with what would have been a dangerous-looking staff, if not for all the duct tape (yet still, it was enough to keep the fanboys in line, and in doing so, proved itself to be a formidable weapon indeed). 

"What?" 

"Hi Venus =)" Esse waved happily. "We're about to go after the bullies." 

"Okay." 

So the Zell Fan Kurabu--desolate wastelands chapter--approached the kids standing by the cliff's edge. "Are you the ones that hurt our precious Zellziepooh?" Esse screeched at them, thrusting her Children's Day button out threateningly. 

"Hey," the tallest of the children took a step back, looking concerned. "It was an accident" 

The tallest of the children had good reason to be concerned. Displaying an unfortunate over-abundance of bad luck, he backed directly into the Ogre. He yelped as she picked him up and studied him. "Ah, is that so?" she rumbled, sounding more Ogre-ish than usual. "Then I'm sure you'll understand how this will be an accident." Smiling fangily, she flung the boy off the edge of the cliff. 

"But the tide's out!" the tallest of the children screamed as he began falling. 

"Oainiku-sama!" Saizel burbled merrily. 

Lynn flinched at the muted thump that followed. 

While the remaining children stood frozen, staring down at their ex-leader in shock, the Ogre grabbed up another one. "Whaddaya think Es? D'ya think bullies can fly?" 

"Well" blinking pale-gray eyes rapidly, Esse shrugged. "The first one certainly couldn't" 

Saizel jiggled, bouncing from foot to foot. "Hmm," he snickered, snapping his fingers underneath the nose of the Ogre's newest captive, "maybe you should try flapping your arms tomodachi." 

Esse frowned, and wished she had brought her dictionary with her. 

"Aiiiiii!" the boy yelled as he went soaring, flapping his arms frantically. 

thunk! 

"Appare!" Saizel cheered, clapping. "Good try!" 

Chuckling, Lynn tied back her long, mud-brown locks into a ponytail, while the Ogre grabbed up the third child. "Any last words kiddo?" 

The boy's eyes bulged out in panic. "But it was just a joke!" 

"Then you'll have somethin' t' laugh with Zell over, there in the hospital," Esse told him kindly as he sailed over the edge. 

thump thunka thump! 

"Ara!" 

"Why, look at that," Lynn observed dispassionately. "He bounced." 

"Hey, you there!" a gruff voice called from behind. "What are you doing?" 

"eee" Esse turned around, and blushed. "Hi there. We're the Zeru Fan Kurabu--desolate wastelands chapter" 

The remaining bully began screaming for help, caught firmly in the Ogre's grasp. 

"And what were you planning on doing with *him*?" the old man gestured to the hyperventilating kid. 

The Ogre grinned broadly, tossing the child into the air. "Seeing if they can fly." 

The old man walked up to the edge and looked over. 

thunk! 

"Apparently not." The wrinkles in his weathered face deepened as he smirked. "Some mighty nice tossing, there." He bowed, while the Ogre curtsied. "I'm Zell's grandfather," he rested a sinister-looking rifle across his shoulders. "I came out to take care of them myself." Hands were shook all around. "Just call me Grandpa Dincht." 

Esse scratched her head in confusion. "Dincht? But how could that be? Isn't Dincht the name of Ma's hubbie--wherever he is?" 

"Oh," the elderly gentleman began laughing. "My daughter never got married." 

"Then how was she able to adopt Zell?" Lynn asked. 

"Edea tricked her. Held an open house at the orphanage, and gave out the little 'uns as door prizes." 

"" 

The group nodded, their eyes slightly glazed. 

"Well then," Grandpa Dincht bowed again, "I'm off. Good luck to you all. Hope to see you again, someday." 

Everyone waved good-bye, till the old man could no longer be seen. "Heh," Esse said, wiping her hands on her apron. "Guess that's it" 

"Not quite," the Ogre disagreed, looking suddenly worried. "Did we do the right thing? What if Venus had been planning on writing a sequel?" 

Blanching, Esse peered at Venus bashfully. "eee" 

Venus crossed her arms, a tad put out that she'd been completely ignored since her arrival. "I didn't have any plans to." 

"Anyway," Lynn cut in, unmeaningly rude, "the one that bounced should pull through. *I* say our big question is what to send Zell as a get-well gift." 

"Flowers?" 

"Helium balloons?" 

"Chokoreto!" 

Esse sighed, shrugged apologetically at Venus, and dug through her purse in search of Tylenol. 


End file.
